BAKES AND UNDERS REBEL ARMY

Printed in the Southern League Premier Division game v Chesham United Monday 2^nd April 2018. We finally beat them for the first time in 18 years 2-1 in front of 784.

The Rebels fans behind the goal were in fine voice – or at least those of us not suffering from rigor mortis as we huddled together like penguins for warmth. I'm not sure I’ve seen many games in a snow storm and definitely none painted with bright blue lines that got the blow-dry treatment to melt the snow, so fair play to Bishop's Stortford for getting the game on. I am also slightly jealous of their apostrophe as I tried to get it into a song or two, seeing as their fans jaws had clamped up in the cold.

Away supporters are usually more vocal than home ones, powered by beer and a little bit of insanity as their zigzag up and down the country for 90 minutes of football. 

But what the hell is happening at the morgue that is Arbour Park? It comes to something when the managers have to ask in the programme for people to get behind the team and when players are coming off the pitch saying that all this negativity is affecting them.

My eldest was 12 last week and I looked at old programme notes that celebrated his birth as we dragged him to his first game at just 5 days old. Homeless and playing at Windsor in one of the worst seasons in our history we still enjoyed ourselves (OK, the 90 minutes of football usually spoilt a good day out). A lot has happened in that time and for the moaners and groaners I’m going to build a time machine (I’m thinking of calling it a Tardis unless anyone can come up with a better name) and take them back to the terraces at AFC Hayes where we not only lose again but are taunted by their officials; where the three collective fans of Burnham and Beaconsfield not only enjoy seeing billy big bollocks Slough Towns fall from grace but financially profit from our demise; like your best mate nicking your girlfriend then rubbing your nose in dogshit.

Why have so many supporters got spoilt brat disease or go into hyper-winge at the first misplaced past? Have the radio phone-ins and football forums become little more than, as When Saturday Comes put it 'a national session of primal scream therapy rather than something entertaining or even thought-provoking.' Should keyboards have a breathalyser built into them, making it impossible to post whilst under the influence?

Just what is that people don't understand about supporting your club?

Who'd have thought that getting on players backs had a negative impact? I'm happy to come into your place of work and shout at you when you do things wrong to see how this will make you work better.

Perversely though supporters will often back their club to the hilt in a siege mentality when they are criticised, just look at Crewe supporters after their paedophile coach scandal

Sure, have a moan and groan after the game. You can even do it in the bar and know that your drinking and moaning is at least making money for the club to help strengthen the squad.

We are having a great season in a tough old league. We reached the 2^nd round of the FA Cup and are on target for the play-offs. We might even get in the final of the Berks and Bucks Cup which we haven't won since beating Old Wolverian Train Sidings in 1876.

Surely that's something to sing about?